Monday, January 31, 2011

#13 Cheapest wings in town!

There is a situation we have all been in while in a group situation. You are with friends and decide to go eat. Everybody decides on a fast-food restaurant and there is always one guy that goes "let's go to ______! Their wings are 12 cents instead of 18." Then they have a look like they have enlightened the world. They look at you like you would be an idiot to buy pizza from ______ or burgers from ______.

Well I have an opinion on that.

1. You get what you pay for. Sometimes you don't want to eat dusty cardboard wings. When I dated my wife, we certainly didn't go for steak every night, but when it came to eating out, our first concern was eating good.

2. Proximity. When choosing a place to eat, I generally narrow it down to places that are nearby. Why? Because it saves money in the commute. What is the point of wasting $10-$20 of gas to get the cheapest wings in the state/province when you can save the money to get wings that are actually good at home. On the other side, if the wings stink at home, could be fun to spend the extra cash once in a while to eat good wings.

3. They are wings! A few extra cents to a dollar or 2 is often worth it. I applaud being frugal. I really do. But we aren't searching for a home or a car.

In the end, I bought a box of 20 frozen steaks for $15 once. No joke. Biggest mistake of my life. Was not worth a penny. Guys, girls don't care if you are bragging to them that these are the cheapest wings in the state. What do you think that really says to them? I have never really had tons of extra bucks to spare, when I spend money, I like to get a few good things instead of a thousand crappy things.

#12 High hands.

Guys that dance with there hands higher than their head. Sky jabs/chops and window wipers are what girls do.

Guys... Stop it.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

#11 To be continued...

I watched Prison Break for 3 and a half seasons following loose end after loose end. I lost interest.

Every single episode I sat and thought, "oh boy, it is gonna happen! Finally the resolution!" Then the same thing would happen every time. By halfway through the 40 minute episode you begin to think this will be the climactic point in the series. Then when there is 10 minute left you look at the clock and want to throw your remote at the wall because you KNOW that they are about to make you wait for next week.

I just mention Prison Break because it dragged on so long that me and practically every other follower I know of gave up mid 2nd or 3rd season. This happens in countless movies and television shows. Loose ends and 'to be continued's' bother me to no end.

They confuse me and I rarely am interested after the wait.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

#10 Are we still hip?

- Justin Bieber
- Miley Cyrus
- Kesha
- The Twilight series

What is similar with all of the above things? Young girls love them. We (guys) hate them.

I have been trying to figure out why it was that guys, mostly young, seem so irritated with the above things. Upon thinking about it, I came up with one realization. I can't think of one song from Bieber, Cyrus, or Kesha. I also have never watched or read the Twilight series. Regardless of this, I have definitely taken part of the thought that they were annoying. But why?

In simple form: people, maybe guys more than girls, will hate anything that girls aged 8-13 absolutely love. There is nothing we can do about it. We must just accept it. Whether we like it or not, it will just happen. If this demographic goes and decides tomorrow that they are addicted to the NFL, we will absolutely decide that we can't stand it. We also inherently hate anything that the younger generation holds dear.

Remember when Titanic came out? What happened? Ever guy around the world had a duty to hate Leonardo DiCaprio. But now that the young girls have moved on, we don't mind him. In fact, his movies can be awesome.

Older people hate facebook and texting. Why? Because younger people embrace it.
Why do girls think action movies and explosions are stupid? Cause guys love it.
Why do guys hate chick flicks? Cause girls live for them.

It is time that we accept that people are different and changing. It is also time that we all accept that young people, aged 8-13, are cooler and 'hipper' than us. They know what it cool these days, we don't. They can smell the new big thing in the air. I listened to a couple Justin Bieber songs and you know what? There are some catchy tunes there. I am not about to go see a Twilight movie but I will now accept and appreciate that young people love it.

Are we still hip? - No, no we are not. Hating stuff because it is popular is befuddling.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

#9 Sharing too much information on Facebook.

Facebook is awesome.
Getting engaged is awesome.
Updating your facebook status 1 hour after you get engaged is not awesome.

Enjoy your engagement! We don't need the update quite so promptly. And when you are on your honeymoon, we don't need the status updates either.

Facebook is a great way to see what people are up to but honestly people. There are times when you don't need to update your page quite so promptly.

Going back to being engaged. Who do you really want to share your life with?

Your fiancee?    ..or random people from you chemistry class?

On a sidenote. We NEVER want to see pictures of your ultrasound. Thats just gross. Pictures of your baby's bare butt, or your huge bare pregnant belly are gross too. Cute to you maybe, gross to us.

Friday, January 7, 2011

#8 BadmiTTon vs. badmiNton.

A whole 'nother.
That's no fair.

…and my least favorite…

Bad-mitton. Look at the word badminton and sound it out. Bad-miN-ton.

I know that we all say things strange. I certainly say comfterble when I know it sounds retarded. Oh well. Lets shake our heads at ourselves.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

#7 Too many annoying facts/'one-uppers'

For all who believe that knowledge is power, I applaud you. Learning and experiencing is one of the most gratifying things life has to offer. The thought that we are becoming stronger and more adept is awesome! However, not being able to zip-it and give us a break is not awesome.

There are a few ways that you sneak your little annoying facts or bits of information into the conversation.

1. Openly spitting it out. I didn't ask how many yards Marcus Allen ran for the Raiders between '84 and '86, or who the 2nd lead singer of Pezheads was. Cut it out.

2. The 'one-upper'. Completely worthy of it's own befuddlement post, the one-upper is a person who responds to anybody's experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story but with a more grand or horrible outcome. Cut it out.

3. (Lastly and the most annoying) Any time we are telling a person of something new we have learned, these people immediately follow up with "you didn't know that?" Cut it out.

Are your comments interesting? They absolutely could be. But if you often find that conversations are cut short after something you have just said or shared, here is a simple suggestion.

Ask yourself "am I saying this to look smarter than everybody else in the room?"
                     …and more importantly…
                     "does this comment warrant a swift kick in the crotch?" If so, cut it out.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

#6 Child beauty pageants.

Is there really an explanation needed as why this is confusing to people? Those parents are crazy!

100% befuddling.

#5 Taken from society.

Ill make this one short.

Elementary school is for young people first learning how to learn. High school is for people a little older to get ready to go into the work world, or on to post secondary. However, kids around 11-14 years old are in a strange stage.

During this stage...
Girls are taller, meaner, and going through an identity crisis.
Boys are shorter, squeekier, and more awkward than any other time.
What can we do with them? Thats what junior high is for. We all go through junior high. Hardly any of us actually end up resembling anything we were during our time there. Simply put, we were all sent to junior high to take us away from society during this most confusing time of our life. I agree with the necessity of junior high. Is it for learning? I doubt it. 

#4 No middle stall.

As far as I know, women generally are more sociable than guys and some even love any excuse to go to to the washroom together to talk about… umm… boys… uh… hair… I honestly don't really know. It is true that some guys like to talk, even to other guys, but in a washroom we guys have a certain code we follow.

"No talking, no eye contact, don't choose the middle stall."

This code has been in effect since the beginning of time. It goes on to include other important points regarding which urinals are available at any given time and the no whistling rule. I, along with all others, follow the code without any thought or effort. Some of us, like me, have developed tremendous lung capacity from holding breath throughout the short visit. I can comfortably spend between 1 and 2 minutes holding my breath. It is never appropriate to interact or acknowledge one another while using a urinal.

Recently however, over the holidays, I met a man who did not abide by the code.

Halfway through Tron I went to the washroom and went through the normal routine. There were 4 unoccupied urinal on the left followed by one occupied urinal to the for right. I then, of course, went to us the far left. Then, a man, who I expect was in his mid 30's, went to the middle stall looked over and said, "hey, buddy" and started humming to himself.

What could I do? I was in his sights. I said, "howdy." Then I had no choice but to tilt my head away, close my right eye and meditate until it was all over.

For the last half of the movie I found myself laughing to myself at how incredible it was that I had the opportunity meet one of the 2 guys in Alberta who do not abide to the code. Thank you Mr. Urinal talkers. You are making men around the world uncomfortable.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

#3 The missing movie genre.

Movies are bizarre things. We pay to be entertained and to sometimes experience an abundance of unique emotions. Based on how we feel/want to feel, it is pretty simple to decide what type movie you want to see based on the category they are in…

For example…

- Want laughter = go to a comedy.
- Want to be scared = go to a horror/suspense.
- Want a deep story = go to a drama.
- Want explosions = go to an action/thriller.
….and so on.

However, there is an unseen beast of a category which is not even a category at all. This can be found within ALL other genres. It is an unseen genre that brightens the day for some, but ruins the week for others. It is very sneaky. It is the type of movie that, (based on what it does to me), is meant to kick our mellow in the crotch and make us just want to go home and take a cold shower. What am I talking about? It is the sad/depressing movie. They are everywhere and mixed inside of other movies.

Before I continue, let me explain why I go to movies. I want to be entertained. Do I mind thinking a little? No, I would rather have something a bit complex, as long as it is interesting. In short, I want to leave the theatre excited about what I just watched. I want to be happy. Why would I want to pay to go to a movie, only to be depressed after? I understand that some people live for these movies but I HATE THEM! If I am going to watch a comedy I don't like when they slip in a child with some type of disease, only to see them die at the end. I don't care HOW  much people loved them. It makes me feel gross. The thing that I find so confusing is while the credits are rolling, I look around and there are 2 types of people. 

1. People that look pale because of what they jut watched.
2. People who seem to be happy, because of how sad they are. And those movies end up being their favourite movies of all time. 

These movies truly bother me. They are very sneaky also. I don't mind when there is a problem that is resolved, but I really do not like when I feel sad at the end. It trashes the happy vibe that I would rather have. I do not think that I am insensitive for saying this because clearly these movies have an affect me. All I am saying is, before I go to those movies where I am about to cry, warn me! Things should be rated as follows…

- Thriller/depressing or Thriller/not depressing
- Comedy/depressing or Comedy/not depressing

I love movies. I love music. I love books. Do I like sad movies, music, and books. Not even a little bit. They get rid of my mellow. They muddle up my emotions and I find that confusing that people would want to do that. Just a little warning. That is all some of us want.