Tuesday, March 29, 2011

34# - Rebecca Black

(Watch the video first before reading.)

This is the worst thing I have seen all month! I feel so bad for this young person. She is setting records for most disliked video of all time! The like:dislike ratio is 1:10. That unheard of!!

First thing, I know this is sounding harsh but it will be a tough career when her nose is exploded out of your head from singing the way she is. This is sounding bad but there needs to be some reality here. You can bash Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber for their music, but at least there is a semblance of something that is listenable to somebody who isn't completely off their rocker!

Did she write this? If somebody is going to promote this poor girl and help her our, start by writing something that isn't fully retarded. It sounds like she is narrating new things that she is learning as they pop into her head.

Yesterday is thursday.
Today is friday.
We we we so excited.
Tomorrow is Saturday.

NO!! Stop! BAD!

I am not helping the cause because I have helped promote it by watching the video a few times. Is she just saying what is going on in her day.

There are so many negative comments in the video that it is impossible to keep up with them because there are millions of people viewing the video each day.

I feel bad for her parents who have exposed this poor girls singing to the world. It is important to love and cheer for your child but it is so important to protect them also.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

#33 - Grab a little person and chuck him.

Sometime in the mid 80's there a sport that emerged that seems so awesome that is hard to fathom how great it would be. 

How great you ask?

This sport would ruin all other sports for you. There would be no interest in any other sport and that whole industry would crash in the wake of this new sport. What is it?

.:Dwarf Tossing!!:.

Starting and made popular in pubs, the rules to dwarf tossing are thus, grab a little person and throw him as far as you can. Awesome. Don't worry though, they are padded and covered in velcro while they are chucked at the velcro-covered walls. They can also make a pretty penny, up to $100,000 a year being tossed.

The world record toss was done in England to a 98 pound who was hurtled 11 feet 5 inches.

Wow… that is crazy. But do you want to know what is befuddling?

Soon after the hype of dwarf tossing was reaching epic proportions, it became banned. The bill proposed a fine of up to $5,000 and imprisonment for up to 6 months.

You know what? If I could get paid to be thrown at velcro, I would. We do with what we got. As long as it was in good spirits, what the heck, lets watch a good old dwarf toss. But, alas, it is not to be.

Monday, March 21, 2011

#32 - Golf (Sports Week)

Not dogging on Golf and the talent people have that play it, but a sport?

You don't have to be the strongest, fastest, most agile.

There are no defenders.

You don't carry your own clubs.

The crowd isn't aloud to TALK during a swing.

A sport? Psssh… befuddling.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

#31 - Tennis (Sports week)

Isn't there something truly awesome about sports? The yelling, the hitting, the running, close calls, the chearing, it is all awesome.

But, some sports have me a little baffled. One of these sports is Tennis. I just don't get it.

First point is worth 15.
Second is worth 15.
Next is worth 10.
Next is… not really sure but 0 points is "love."

Why isn't it just 0 points, 1 points, another 1 point , another 1 point, you win.

I could even handle if every point was worth 15. But why is it changed up? In basketball, different shots at different times and areas are worth different points. Same goes for football. Why do they need to change from 15 to 10? And why "love." Just say "0".

Awe well. Not a huge thing but it still is a little strange. Even if it IS tradition, what was the guy 500 years ago thinking?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

30# - Poopy dilemna.

(Submitted by Thomas.)

"Hey Dan, I was thinking its pretty befuddling when I go into a restroom and there is some poop in the toilet but no toilet paper. What did they wipe with haha? Its weird to me."

It's weird to all of us Thomas, it's weird to all of us.

29# - Your team was just R*ped.

Argh! Does this bug anyone else?

That word, which I don't even like typing, shouldn't be included into sporting events. But it is, and it is popular. Do me a favour and smack anyone who uses it.

28# - Never learned to run.

Ok, so this might not seem like much. But it is a biggie.

Due to the nature of this blog I have become much more aware of the people around me. Out of the time I spend away, I am usually observing people at a University. I have noticed something that disturbs my poor little heart. Here is the summary or my data. I see…

1. Stiff "calf-raise" running. Their ankles are doing way too much work and there is unnecessary "up/down" movement.

2. Ultra "feminine shimmy" running. Too much rotating of hips. Sometimes with hands up, palms forward, and fingers crunched in.

3. The long strider.

Don't these parents teach their children to run? Don't these children have recess in elementary school and learn to run there? Who doesn't know how to do a simple run?

Not learning to throw a ball is also befuddling but not as much as the simple art of… "moving quicker."

27# - "Slow and steady wins the race."

"Show and steady wins the race."


Have these people ever even SEEN race? What kinda race are they talking about? In every race I have ever seen you go as fast as possible. When I eventually have children, and my boy is at the starting line for the first time, want to know what I am going to say?

"GO!!! GO FAST!!! RUN!!!"

Then I am going to laugh at the other parents who are scratching their heads, confused that their boy came dead last going "slow and steady."

26# - 1 seat buffer breakers.

(Refer to Befuddlement #4 for and further reference needed.)

When the theater is not full, nor is getting full, no person from Party A should sit in the seat right next to any person from another Party B. If I am with somebody, and you do not know me, why are you sitting by me too?! This is crazy. Do some people just need to have a person on both sides of them?

This happened to me yesterday and it almost ruined the movie for me.

On a side note: the 1 time I laughed in the movie was incidentally when nobody else laughed. Come on! Isn't a random punch in the face funny anymore?!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

25# - Slinky Mayhem.

Ever had a slinky? ME TOO!

Ever had a slinky that gets "one"… not many… but a single tangled spot in it? When this happens, especially with a metal slinky, you know you are in trouble.

What happens next is you try to fix the one tangle and, unless you are an experienced engineer and mathematician, you are toast. You might as well just throw it away unless you are ok with risking spending multiple hours in an atrocious rage shouting expletives. I bet the inventor of the slinky is laughing in his grave. How the heck can such a simple problem be compound expand and multiply on itself in the mere seconds used to try and fix it. Befuddling! I don't know of anything that can get so wrong so fast.

Best thing to do is walk away.

24# - "Modern" baby names.

In my generation, my peers were full of Greg's, Jim's, Brian's, Thomas's and *ahem* Daniels. They were… you know… names.

But now-a-days we are hearing baby names that fall into strange categories.

1. The "what-we-stand-for" name.
People with this type of name have names based on a certain religious standards or ethical principal that really strike them hard. Now, there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Those can be powerful and defining standards in ones life. But something to think about before naming somebody Integrity, Faith, or Hope. I even heard of a guy named Freedom! What is next? Democracy, Honesty, or, Nice? What about if it goes the opposite way and turns into names like Insanity or Perverted? In the end, instead stamping the "what-we-stand-for" name on your child forever, just decide to legally change your own name if you like it so much. Better yet… get a plaque made!

2. The "thats-a-unique-sounding" name.
Under this category are names of children who had parents that absolutely can't stand that there could ever be another person with their child's names. Instead of the names that are used by 98% of the world, they make up names like Jimx, Tybon, Lisrock, and Beauti. I could go on for hours. But, there is a reason these names aren't used yet, at least by sane people, they AREN'T NAMES! They are just a illogical mash of letters. Before you name your child, think, have I heard this name? If not, why haven't I heard it.

3. The "clever" name.
This is the type of name that is used because of the family last name they have. Because of the last name, certain first names should be off limits. Like being named Crystal Ball, Rick Shaw, or, Randy Guy. Funny for a minute? Yes. Funny forever? No.

I believe it will get worse before it gets better. What about George Costanza's "Seven"? Or just the letter "P"? Or lets throw numbers in there! How about Kevin but spelt K7? Coooool…

People are free to do what they will. We live in modern times. But what was wrong with the good old days where names were names and things were things? They will be missed.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

#22 - Oscar dresses.

Watched the Oscars a week ago.

Don't understand the prices for these dresses. $100,000 for a dress? What does it do?

People buy the most incredible cars with some of the state of the art tech for $100,000. What is going on! I don't get it.

#21 Chunks of celebrities

I heard that Justin Beiber got a haircut and his hair is being sold on the internet for $12,000.

Seriously? Who is buying it?

I don't understand idolizing people like that. I like Michael Jackson music but I would pay to keep his hair out of my house! What is next? Kobe Bryants boogers? Obama's pulled teeth?

WHO CARES! You can admire people without wanting chunks of them, can't you?